I think I’ve consumed more food in one week that I have for the rest of this entire year! :sick:

I’ll try not to make this review an ‘epic’ but for anyone considering a cruise of this nature you may glean useful information and insights to known caveats to help you decide… on with the story.

Once upon a time there were around 300 ‘soul loving’ individuals who embarked on a week long cruise aboard the Norwegian Jade bound for the warmer climes of Mediterranean Ports, over-priced ship-arranged excursions and enough alcohol and food that would feed the Isle of Wight for a year, alfresco and bathed in Sunshine.

The ‘soul loving’ bit I’ll get to later… but upon boarding the ship, finding our State Room and wandering up to the Pool deck we immediately met up with Spot & Gail, Mike and Jan. We enjoyed our first (of many) Mojito’s and excitedly chatted about our soon to commence boat trip over several more Mojito’s.

Lottie and I dressed for dinner and after a brief discussion, decided that our patronage would befall Pappa Joe’s, the Italian restaurant. The food was superb and the service faultless. However, I did find myself holding my breath for the rest of the evening in fear of poisoning guests with a death breath of garlic and herbs – it was akin to biological warfare in strength :lol:

We were sat across from a rather old American couple that did nothing but complain, loudly… her best moan was about men not wearing shoes which she gasped was ‘gross’ :lol:

The night turned to morning and we danced the night away under the influence of further Mojito’s, disco lights and brightly coloured surroundings. A great party mood indeed.

Rise and Shine is an appropriate saying… the sun was BLAZING and we were in the Port of Monaco! I was sooo looking forward to treading the streets of Monte Carlo and by the end of the day I was absolutely knackered. Upon disembarkation we immediately boarded a small land train and for 7 euros were taken around Monte Carlo and advised via earphones about certain landmarks and facts. We got off at the top of the Hill, near the Palace, and decided to walk down and backtrack to the Casino and the Cafe de Paris. Well, you can’t visit Monte Carlo without being photographed in front of two massively famous landmarks without a permanent memento or two which included a couple of cheesy tee-shirts!

The yachts and boats moored in the marina were decadent and obscene at the same time… good lord, there is serious money in Monte Carlo!

Back in time to catch the late afternoon sun by the pool with further Mojito’s; time to relax after walking so far and eating a lovely Monte Carlo lunch :silly:

This evening found us dining in the Grand Pacific and we wore new frocks purchased from the on-board shopping mall which were very good value for money (the only things that were!). Lottie looked absolutely STUNNING! In fact, during the week I had so many compliments about her beauty and none about mine

I chose a rather scrumptious bottle of Cava from the ‘extras’ wine list which at $32 was WELL overpriced. However, this didn’t appear on my bill! Result!

She said she kept getting hit on (by this time I was getting jealous) so I silently wished I’d made that ‘Rohypnol Not Required’ tee-shirt I’ve spoken of before :lol:

The evening do was surreal; Ground Hog Day – the rest of the week was the same. Our little group agreed it was like a CD named ‘An Introduction To Northern Soul’… it really didn’t tickle any of my fancies (other than Paul McKay this evening) so I headed off to bed. Besides, the Pisa Tower was our destination early in the morning.

Another breakfast in the more than adequate Garden Cafe set us up for a day off the boat. Sadly Helen celebrated too hard last night so they weren’t able to come but Lottie and I trotted off on our own. I had pre-booked entry to ascend the Tower but on arrival I looked at it and wondered if we’d got it wrong and attended a replica instead of the real thing. It was tiny and looked brand new! Not impressed I’m afraid. Our lunch in a small adjacent avenue Pizzeria was more exciting.

We’d travelled a fair distance on two buses to get there, were abhorrently hassled by Black Congolese ‘bag/glasses/jewellery’ merchants and were a tad disappointed by the whole affair. Back to the boat to convalesce pool-side… we were so tired we ducked out of the soul night and eating out. Instead we had a late jacuzzi dip and called room service before laying down our weary heads ready for Rome the following morning.

I muttered 742 hail Mary’s (that should do it) before boarding the train destined for Rome and in particular the Vatican. Blow me, the Pope was in residence as today was a holiday. There were thousands of people in the Square including many young girls in their Confirmation attire. The Pope was centre stage on the veranda outside the main entrance to the Vatican and was projected around the Square on large screens. As we entered the Square I swear I heard him say ‘Ah, it’s the Soulgirl, welcome my child’ :angel:

Being that we weren’t able to see inside we took a wander up the wide avenue in front of the Vatican and in true holiday-maker style got ripped off for an ice-cream – FOUR FOOKIN EUROS…. however, we took a nice lunch and headed back to the ship for our now ‘usual’ late afternoon pool-side siesta and jacuzzi before heading back to our pristine State Room in time to shower and change for dinner. It rained a wee bit this afternoon but it was short-lived and still balmy.

We ate in the Jasmine Garden tonight; slow service and small portions plus a $15 supplement each to boot… bad choice.

A brief visit to the ‘soul venue’ in the Medusa lounge afterwards but hearing the same tunes AGAIN I headed back for some kip. Sunbathing and sightseeing is exhausting!

CAPRI!!! Oh my, what a fantastic frivolous day. Lottie decided to stay on board as she said, quite rightly, that she was fed up with spending more hours travelling to end up at a location to look at it quickly, be disappointed, and head back… however, she missed what was to be the best day yet. The inimitable (and as Helen McKay nicely put it, faded elegance) Isle of Capri was memorable. Having bought tickets for the Funicular we arrived at the top of the Island and wandered the most expensive area so far.

We strolled into a Restaurant called Capri’s that overlooked the beautiful Naples Gulf and were warmly welcomed by a fun, cheeky, rotund man of short stature and a lisp. He saw us coming and rubbed his hands with glee no doubt. 320 euro’s and 2 hours later we left the Restaurant laughing and in high spirits. For me, regardless of the cost, the day was magnificent. Great company, great food and great weather. There was absolutely nothing negative about this day at all. I thoroughly recommend that you visit Capri. Sadly, the Blue Grotto wasn’t open so we didn’t get to see that and rather than wait for ages in the Funicular queue we spoiled ourselves and got a convertible taxi down to the Port.

I’d written a note in my little book that simply read “True Blood Theme Tune” but can’t think now why! Paul, why? :lol:

Anyway, endless innuendo’s flourished with the word Funicular… and we all took photo’s uttering the word Mozzarella!

The fun of the day spilled into the evening and beyond. We all had such a brilliant time and didn’t stop laughing and smiling and DRINKING. Yvonne fell off her chair and her fella, Shane, gave us all piggybacks amongst other comedy capers. He’s bonkers but in such a fab way.

I’m sure, by now, my liver resembled a pickled gherkin and my skin was quickly turning into a rather beaten, tanned, leather hide

We were 10 for dinner and chose The Bistro. The food was great and the company even better. It was the first time I’d spent quality time with Shane and Yvonne. Lovely couple and such a laugh. It was our opportunity to turn the tables on practical joker Shane and we arranged for the staff of the Bistro to serenade both him and Mike Coghlan for their recent Gay Marriage :lol:

They were also presented with a cake that I promptly sent back with instructions to change the wording from Happy Anniversary to Happy Bum Chums. We were all in fits of laughter and Shane accepted the joke brilliantly that continued into the wee hours as we mucked about in the Soul do.

The best quote of the night came from Spot… Mike advised he used to have an bottom like a 5p piece but now it was more like a 50p piece; Spot said ‘What’s 45p between friends’ :lol:

Another funny quote from Mike earlier in the week was ‘I think Jan’s eaten a draft excluder’ after a meal which left her slightly bloated :silly:

More quips about anal beads, biting headboards and pushing stools in followed. It certainly gave my abdominals a good work out. It was good quality humour and I think I’m safe in saying we all had a brilliant evening.

A late turn-in found me at the receiving end of Lottie’s disgust telling me to ‘be quiet and turn that light off’

Today was a complete day at sea as our next destination was Palma. It was fairly windy and overcast but I still managed to burn a lovely square bib shape on my chest. Dinner was fun again with 12 of us and the same the following night.

Lottie and I didn’t bother getting off at Palma; another city much like others and we were done doing the sightseeing stuff.

Paul McKay and Mike Eskins were the only DJ’s I rated. The rest I heard, whom I didn’t know, could only be described as ‘hand-bagger dj’s'… it’s not an insult – the majority of the punters loved hearing the same set’s every night; our little group didn’t. It was described to me, on more than one occasion, like a Soul In The Sun holiday. I wont be doing that then!

Our final day was spent in a rather wet but warm Barcelona. Lottie was well fed-up as the City was, in effect, CLOSED lol… therefore, no serious shopping at all and not a lot to see on such a grotty day. Lunch at the Hard Rock Cafe and a brief wander around some of the back streets ending up in a Tattoo parlour where we wasted an hour with me getting another one… we went very early to the Airport! However, we did have a giggle doing some ‘extreme laying down’ photography to submit to the Facebook group. Excellent fun.

Would I do it again; absolutely, providing there were enough personal friends to make it as perfect as this one.

Negatives:

• Expensive holiday; for Lottie and I the final cost was around £2,500
• Musically it’s for those that love hearing the same 50 tunes every night
• Not enough time to enjoy shore excursions – be sure to make your own arrangements like us, which were cheaper
• One hour internet was around $45
• If on a ‘drink package’ make sure you say ‘house Mojito, house wine, house Pina Colada’ etc
• Rose wine wasn’t available on the drink package for some obscure reason
• Book the Teppanyake Restaurant at Dawn if you want to get in for the evening of your choice!
• Too many people ‘saving’ pool-side sunbeds. Move towels off if they’ve not returned in half an hour. Some were left empty for 4 hours at a time!
• If you don’t want to pay for hot drinks then get them from the Garden Restaurant
• Everything ‘on board’ is extortionately priced!

Positives:

• Fantastic destinations
• Super clean ship
• Faultless staff
• Faultless cleanliness
• Near faultless food
• Faultless food choice
• Excellent entertainment package
• Well appointed pool, bars and restaurants
• Stateroom’s undeniably fantastic, clean and well maintained (they got a big tip from me)
• Acceptable house Champagne
• Blow your head off Vodka Martini’s that Lottie likened to the ever-available hand sanitizer :lol:
• Lottie experiencing her first ever full on Sunset!

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