I said “wouldn’t it be funny if you got it half done and the gas ran out”. Half way through cooking her full English, the gas ran out

Luckily, the bacon and sausages were done along with the fried bread.  Beans were zapped in the microwave and her two half cooked eggs were laid to rest in the bin.

So, as the shops were shut by this time, the replenishment of cooking gas shall have to wait until tomorrow whereby our culinary excellence will resume 

It’s NOT ok! Now I don’t mind our eight-legged friends at all but please, build your death trap’s in more convenient places!

I came home the other night and found 3 of the critters fervently spinning new homes in odd place. One was suspended about 3 inches from the floor spinning what I can only describe as a tightrope across the floor of the boat between the wall and my sofa. Cheek!

Anyway, they’ll all soon be dead no doubt, when the Winter kicks in. And there’s no flies around now anyway so their webs are defunct.

Onward to thoughts of Winter it is then… and what I’ll be burning in my little Morso Squirrel.

Wood Briquettes!

This year I am determined to evade the ‘chimney sweep’ look and to have a black-dust free boat.  Coal is for fools

However, my main concern was keeping my stock dry otherwise I’d have a pile of soggy sawdust

So I came across the Tent Tidy.  A nifty, small, pop-up waterproof gizmo that’ll keep my bags of briquettes safe from harm… ahhhh

Cheapest place to buy these is from Ebay.  And come the Summer, I can pop it back into it’s small bag and store it away until the next winter.

I’ve been given permission to stash my logs behind a static shed where no-one will see it, out of the way, so it wont be an eyesore.

Arrrrgh!

Saturday evening found us watching the complete works of the Alien ‘ology’ on DVD. How disappointing 20 years onward at the ‘oh so cheesy’ special effects and dialogue. However, that killed around 8 hours before we retired to our cabins to toss and turn some before drifting off.

We’ve had no fair-weather opportunities in which to take advantage of our floating movable home as torrential rains have befallen Wiltshire over the past few weeks. I believe, Summer has been and gone!

mumumumumumumumumumumumumumumum muma mummy mom

Oops, apologies for that… my Daughter appears to be showing signs of cabin-fever! I’ve left it in this blog as a stark reminder to all who have no internet or outside contact with the human world, what can evidently occur in times of social restriction.

Back to reality and our excursion on Sunday.

I badgered Lottie to accompany me, on our bikes, for a short cycle ride up the towpath in search of enlightenment and lunch.

After 2 hours of badgering she agreed, reluctantly.

After around 20 minutes of whinging we’d reached Avoncliffe. A beautiful area with a small aqueduct across the River Avon with stunning views of a beautiful weir. I took a couple of photos.

Lottie, having complained incessantly, refused to continue as the towpath was now on the other side of the canal and we couldn’t see where to join it.

We cycled onward and half way up a very steep hill only for me to lose my rag, advise Lottie to ‘do one’ and free-wheeled back in the direction of the aqueduct.

We made the left hand turn into the small downhill road where I found myself braking sharply and performing one of the school boy back-wheel skids because a grown man was kicking a football about. Lottie laughed at me later saying that I acted ultra-cool, perusing the landscape after skidding where in fact I shit my pants thinking I was just about to fall off and make an arse of myself.

There was a pub there… the Cross Guns.

It looked very busy and had a fantastic garden offering riverside dining. We learned that when you went to order your food in the very small bar you’re given an electronic ‘pager’ that emits an annoying tone and buzzes uncontrollably when your food’s ready. Then you have to return to the 3rd door on the right to retrieve your food and journey back to your table of choice.

I bet Gary Oldman and Kevin Spacey didn’t have to endure the pager of annoyance! (According to newspaper clippings, they both patronised this establishment).

So, because of the pager-pisser, we relocated to a table ‘topside’ and ordered our food.

By the way, we found the underpass to continue on the canal towpath by this point!

Drink wise Lottie had her usual, a pint of cola. I opted for a Damson Wine Spritzer. It was lovely and was gone in about 5 minutes flat being that it tasted like a fizzy pop drink. I returned to order a jug of Pimms!

Food wise Lottie opted for Ham, Egg & Chips (over easy) and I opted for the Club Baguette boasting ham, cheese and warm chicken with salad and chips.

Lottie’s Ham was ham… literally, thinly sliced ham. Would have thought it would have been gammon but no complaint because it did say Ham. My chicken wasn’t warm at all and it was processed oblong shaped meat. That means it was probably chicken feet, bums and necks… god I hate that chicken. And it was bloody cold! Not even a drop of dressing… just dry, boring and without imagination.

I returned to the 3rd door for some culinary delight (mayo) to be greeted by a gormless overweight teenager who plonked 3 sachets of Helmans Mayonnaise in my hand where the guy who was in front of me just laughed in silent(ish) appreciation of what I was enduring as that which he had just endured himself.

To my surprise, who ends up on the table behind us? Yes, that’s right, it was Henry! The guy we’d met several months ago who got really drunk but who sounds soooo posh… he keeps popping up where ever we go LOL. Hi Henry!

My recommendation for the Cross Guns is not to be I’m afraid. I’m sure it does so well because of the amount of fresh weekly visitors. Not through recommendation or repeat clientèle.

Now, after Marvin’s two dips into the depths of our stinky canal I accompanied him outside today. I placed our gangplank from the boat to the jetty and he decides with all his kitteny wisdom that he’ll launch himself from the back of the boat onto the sloapy bank behind. The training of this kitty is going to get messy I can just tell.

Anyway, he tentatively crept around the perimeter of where we’re moored then shot off… I chased, in my socks (bad mistake on such a cobbled pathway) where he decided to hide under a car in the car park. Luckily, he was distracted and attracted by the flash of my camera and came within catchable distance where I grabbed the scruff of his neck and brought him back inside to safety. Another trip out soon but not imminently LOL.

Last night, Lottie wanted me to accompany her on a photographic quest of a time-lapse shoot overlooking Bradford on Avon… I’ve yet to see her shots but I took a few myself. They follow!

Yesterday, and today, Marvin has fallen into the Canal.  He’s a sneaky little chap!  The first time we’re unsure how he got out but I think he prised himself under the cratch cover.  Today was obvious though… I went outside to get the washing on the line and he followed me out.

Like a scene from a funny cartoon he leapt from the stern toward the jetty only he was about 8 inches short, stopped in mid air, and plopped straight into the canal.

If I’d had the camera I could have made some dosh by submitting it to You’ve Been Framed

He’s a feisty swimmer mind!

He’s no worse for wear and wasn’t even panicking… I thought after the first unplanned excursion into waterworld he’d be put off for life but no, he’s fine with it.  Doesn’t even mind the shower, shampoo and a blow-dry

All hail Marvin The Great!

Other than Marvin taking a couple of dips, Lottie and I took an excursion of our own today… in to Bath.  She wanted a couple of new piercings which I made her work around the boat for.

If you’re squeamish, do not view!

My Son’s 19 and is a typical stereotypical computer geek. Long hair, and I mean long, down to his waist! Doesn’t shower and moves in half time.

He spends 24/7 either on a computer, building one, upgrading, tweaking, overclocking or gaming.  Having just completed a two year BTech he’s now ready to embark on yet another course based on programming.  His aim is to write bespoke software from scratch.  And I know he’ll achieve that

But for now I’ll will contact the Ministry of Defence to start talks about a new kind of biological warfare based on my Son’s underpants.

So with him doing geeky computer stuff and my Daughter being in love with photography & styling, I’m happy that both my children wont be stuck in jobs they hate.  Instead, having a lifetime of fun doing stuff they love.

So, we had Sam on the boat for a week.  He gave my main rig a good clean whilst I was at work and kindly installed Windows 7 so I’m up to speed.  I even had him reinstall my laptop that’s only 6 months old

His toes curled and his hair straightened when I mentioned that we’d take him out on the boat for the weekend and there’d be no electric to run a computer and no internet connection.  With that, we stayed hooked up to the mains umbilicus and I drove him home today

I remember on our one and only Narrow Boat holiday that he spent the entire week in  his bunk playing his Gameboy!  Loser

‘Cringe’…. I even gave up a weekend of Souling in the feint hope he’d want to go out boating; never mind, there’s always another weekend.

Yet again, nothing boaty to report about!  It’s becoming a habit I don’t like… must make amends!

Marvin’s really grown in the few weeks we’ve had him.  I’ll have to let him outside soon but it’s like letting your child out to play for the first time and it’s scary that they’ll come to harm.  Must… have…. faith….

When he’s on our laps and we’re stroking him, we feel like Dr Evil

My new job is TECHNICAL to say the least.  They didn’t put that on the JOB DESCRIPTION!  But I’ve decided to put defeatism out of the window and grab the bull by both horns.  Being that it’s so diverse and complicated means that I’ll never stop learning or become complacent.  Therefore, this job’s definitely for me

More from the ‘cut’ soon I hope!  Meanwhile, get your arses over to Cut Connect - the latest and greatest online community for boaty people.